Punching My Ticket On The Gold Coast Limited

This month I become a real senior citizen with all its associated benefits and grandeur. Drum roll, please.

Well, that’s the way I understood it when I was a kid. Anyone 65 and older was a senior citizen. And that was based on my perception that everyone just worked until they were 65 when they could start collecting from pensions and Social Security.

Of course, much of what defines a senior citizen has changed over the years. I used to think that 50 was old and then, suddenly, I turned 50. I also planned to retire by 45 because work was cutting into my free time. One definition now Is that a senior citizen is simply an elderly person who has retired.

So what’s an elderly person? Someone beyond middle age. So what’s middle age? You can see where this is going. But if you think about it, senior citizen is the last category. That’s the final train, the Gold Coast Limited, whose destination is on Sunset Blvd. in Terminal City, right between Hade’s Cafe and Heaven’s Gate Hotel. I hope it’s a scenic route.

The term senior citizen has been shortened to just “senior,” a relative term. For example, being a senior doesn’t mean you’re retired. You can join AARP when you’re 50. Senior housing can be 55+ or 62+, depending on the program. Senior discounts at stores and events are often available if you’re 55, 60, 62, or 65. Where were these discounts when we were young and foolish? It may be that a lot of seniors need them more.

When Social Security first started paying out in 1940, the only option was to start collecting at 65. Only 53.9% of men and 60.6% of women lived to see 65 back then so Social Security was sustainable. But then the Baby Boom generation appeared and we started living longer.

Social Security is now available for retirement as early as 62 but “full” Social Security benefits require you to be older than 65. “Full” is just the equivalent of what 65 used to be. There is no special bonus for waiting until then. So if I want full benefits, I’ll have to wait until I’m 66 and two months. That’s because we’re living longer and we don’t want those funds to run out. Those born in 1960 or later will need to be 67 for full benefits. Some future generation might need to be 75 or 80.

A retirement fund such as an IRA or 401K is also not tied to age 65. Under normal circumstances you can’t touch it without penalty until you’re at least 59½ and you must start collecting by age 70½. Oh, those quirky IRS rules.

One thing that hasn’t changed is the minimum age to enroll in Medicare. Joining this federal health insurance program requires you to be 65 which is right about the time you stop being able to figure out how things work. I first started receiving Medicare mailers more than two years ago. I have attended classes and studied numerous explanations of it and am still confused.

For every Medicare rule there’s an exception or 20. So when it came to figuring out a Medicare supplement, I just followed the advice of an insurance agent, figuring that I’ll better understand it once I start the program. It’s like buying a car you need but aren’t sure if it’s the right choice. You’ll figure that out later.

During my work years I thought I was getting pretty good at understanding health insurance terms but now I’m learning a slew of Medicare terms such as Parts A-D, annual wellness visit, Medigap, coverage gap (donut hole), lifetime reserve days and evidence of coverage (EOC). And, of course, the formulary (list of drugs) and its increasingly expensive tiers 1-5 takes on additional significance at this age because I’ll need more of them.

I’m noticing a lot more TV ads aimed at seniors. You know them. They’re the ads that include things like travel discounts, cheap cell phone service, walk-in tubs, financial services and, of course, those lifesaving drugs with unpronounceable names. I can avoid seeing these ads if I just quit watching the news and reruns of Gunsmoke and Star Trek.

I wonder how many seniors understand all the information thrown at them. I sure don’t. But that’s OK. As a senior I shouldn’t have to know all of these details. It’s all about me now, right? I should be receiving the much deserved respect and recognition I worked all my life for. And I’m not referring to senior discount coupons or a Girl Scout escorting me across the street. Alas, the next generation won’t be coming to me for advice. I was in the computer industry so everything I knew is becoming more irrelevant by the minute. The only people interested in my work experiences are historians and comedians.

I think the key is to keep learning as long as you can. We have to because Central Planning in Washington and St. Paul have designed the senior benefit programs to be just confusing enough to keep us busy so we won’t have time to question their motives.

Well, gotta go. My train is about to leave the station. Hope I get a window seat.