No Sense of Direction in River City

I was walking up West Ave. between 6^th and 7^th streets when a car pulled up next to me on the inside lane. The driver’s window came down and an elderly man’s head popped out.

“Sir, can you direct me to the Red Wing Golf Course?” he politely asked. I sighed, realizing what I was up against. My immediate reaction was to reply with one of the following:

• Don’t you have GPS?
• Don’t you know this is Red Wing where verbal directions are impossible to comprehend?
• You’ll have to park somewhere and I’ll draw you a map.
• Let me get my car and you can follow me there.

First off, he struck me as a person who likely did not know what GPS is and probably didn’t have a smartphone. His car was too old to have GPS, too. He also obviously had not been forewarned just how much the hills in Red Wing confused and confounded even our forefathers who platted and named the streets.

Cars were lining up behind him as I hurriedly explained that he needed to switch lanes, take an immediate right onto College Ave., go up the hill and follow that street until he got to Oak St. Then turn right and follow Oak St. to the History Center where he should turn left and go one block (I couldn’t remember the street name). Then turn right onto 6^th St. and follow it until he saw a sign for Red Wing Golf Club.

I figured he would probably remember just the first part of the directions. It was later that I remembered that there are a few small signs in town that provide some direction to locations like the golf club. But they are easy to miss in a city dominated by a river and bluffs, and with streets that suddenly change to different names. If you’ve lived here for any length of time, you know what I’m talking about. Even mail carriers and taxi drivers would have trouble giving directions to someone unfamiliar with Red Wing.

See if you can provide meaningful directions to the following Red Wing landmarks for someone driving here from the Hastings:

• Red Wing Athletic Field
• Oakwood Cemetery
• Goodhue County Justice Center
• Memorial Park
• Any church in town

Now try the same exercise for people coming from Wisconsin, Lake City, and Rochester. Not easy, is it? I suppose you could simply give directions that get them half-way there and then have them ask someone else for further directions.

Other than numbered streets, there is no obvious logic to street names in Red Wing. Some are named after presidents (Washington St.). Some are named after trees (Pine St.). Some are named after local people from the past (Eunice Ave.). Plum St. was originally platted as Plumb St. likely because it was straight (plumb). It is not known for any plum trees. The street sign was probably misspelled. Note that West Ave. ends mysteriously at Wilkie St. where it becomes Twin Bluff Road. And Hi Park Ave. is named after a dairy. It is not High Park Ave.

There are some streets that start with “Old” such as Old Zumbrota St. But there are no streets that start with “New”. If you get just out of town there are some newly numbered roads intended to clarify their location such as 227^th Ave, which is Sevastopol Rd. in Wacouta Township. But these new names are primarily for the benefit of emergency (911) services. GPS comes in pretty handy for these.

Now try giving directions through probably the worst intersection in town which includes West Ave., West 7^th St., Central Ave., and College Ave. (two one-way lanes separated by a wall). In their infinite wisdom, sometime between 1885-1906, the city fathers renamed West Ave. south of West 7th St. as Central Ave. and designated the street heading southwest of that intersection as a continuation of West. Ave. That intersection would be a great place for a roundabout if there was more room. It is a fun place to watch angry drivers during Red Wing’s rush minute twice a day.

Oh, and don’t forget to mention that the first five blocks of East and West. avenues from Main St. are one-way. Locals are used to looking both ways when crossing either of them on that stretch because a lot of confused drivers go the wrong way. Also, don’t even bother with references to north, east, west, or south. I’ve lived here my whole life and still need a compass.

Even GPS can’t always be trusted. If your car has outdated GPS maps, it may show you driving through fields. The extension of Hi Park Ave. that connects with Hwy. 58 does not appear on my 2005 Toyota GPS system. Updating the maps might cost $200 so I think I’ll rely on my smart phone GPS. But even Google Maps currently shows that stretch of road as Danielson Dr. and the actual Danielson Dr. isn’t even labeled.

Many streets in Red Wing dead-end and restart somewhere else, usually because of a hill in the way. But there are a number of streets that should be joined together but have not been. Examples include Bohmbach Dr., Cherry St., and Kosec Dr. Check them out on Google Maps. I’m sure there are others.

Red Wing doesn’t have a ring road. That’s hard to do when the north side of town ends at the Mississippi River. Pioneer Road on the south side does act as sort of a bypass. But even that is confusing because it is also called County 66 Blvd.

It could be worse. You could live in Rochester where numbered streets and avenues have designators like NE, NW, SE, SW. There are even ½ streets as in 15½ St. NW.

I think I’ll stay in Red Wing.