Gargle and Put on a Mask This Halloween

Could there be anything scarier this Halloween than being in the midst of election frenzy, surrounded by a raging pandemic?

Well, you could add in job loss, forced remote learning, shortages of needed goods and a million other things. This is not good. The latest fad is to just volunteer to get the virus and get over it. OK, you first. I’ll monitor your progress from a safe distance.

Catherine and I have kept our sanity by staying busy. We’re probably still losing our marbles, just at a slower pace. “Overwhelmed” is a term Catherine uses a lot. But she’s a lot busier than I am so for her, it’s an appropriate term.

Our three-season porch project did not get completed before it snowed. I think it will be finished just in time to close it up for that fourth season. We’re in the midst of getting Catherine’s mother’s house ready to sell, which includes an estate sale. Catherine spent months helping the Hope Coalition in town with a lease on a new location. I’m helping our church migrate from live home-based Zoom services to recording them at church with a bare minimum of socially distanced clergy and musicians. We’ll post them on Facebook.

Our son Reid, who works for Target in Minneapolis, has been told he will be continuing to work from home until next June. He is not pleased. Catherine and I are already planning for the most secluded holiday season ever. And our house is a mess.

Even shopping, which we all have to do and which used to be almost tolerable for me, has become a stressful set of tasks, starting with remembering to wear a mask. Shopping is now pretty much all business. Just focus on needed provisions, then quickly check out using a self-checkout if available.

Browsing at a store is not a luxury well tolerated while enduring the smell of your own bad breath. But it serves as a reminder to pick up some mouthwash if there’s any left. Save the browsing for home on the internet and where you don’t need to wear a mask.

Car shopping, which had already changed due to the internet, has changed further due to the pandemic. I found this out because I’m looking. Mine has 220,000 miles. Some dealers want you to make an appointment to test drive their cars so they can make sure they are sanitized first. In fact, you are now invited to do all the dickering (if there even is such as thing anymore) over the phone or through email, then they’ll deliver it to you. Well, I’m not buying a car that costs more than $30,000 without even driving it.

There are some good things to report. The bike riding season is probably done for me. Yet I’m happy with the 640 miles I rode. I felt like I was 10 again and it made me temporarily forget the larger issues of the world. I had no flat tires. I rode throughout Oakwood Cemetery a couple times recently to see the fall colors. As I passed Catherine’s family’s corner section, I started thinking about being buried there someday. I guess that’s where I’ll end up if I don’t get kicked off the island first. I’m still not sold on the view from there, though.

Furniture sales are up. Maybe that’s why I’ve seen so much “gently used” furniture on front yards and boulevards. Remember, a free lounge chair or couch is best when it’s been rained on a few times. 

I have determined that the slowdown in mail service is not entirely due to the removal of sorting machines and drop boxes. Junk mail is a major factor, of course. But what specifically stamps my envelope is the junk mail for my mother, Bea, who died seven years ago. Her address was changed to our house since Catherine did her legal work toward the end. We just received some return address labels for her. I’ll use them on mail I send to recipients I want to confuse.

We also still get junk mail for a couple of Catherine’s final clients, both living and long passed on. We’ve collect about $1.50 in nickels and pennies sent as enticements. I wonder how much mail is sent to dead people and why the senders can’t figure it out, especially after many years.

Also in the mail I received two $55 parking tickets from Anoka County for illegal parking on an unnamed street on two different nights last Feb. The tickets say that the county is just now catching up because of the pandemic. It doesn’t even say what car it was or what town it happened in. I haven’t parked on any streets in Anoka County – ever. Investigation by attorney Catherine determined that the title hadn’t been transferred yet from a car Reid traded in last November – almost a year! The car was in my name, of course. OK, then.

Our porch project has introduced a new lane through our yard to the back of the house. Maybe I should make it permanent and put a shed back there. Regardless, we are planning to have landscaping and yard work done next year. For now, I’m praying for snow to cover it up.

It’s Halloween time, folks. Gargle, then put on a mask.