A Coat For Every Season In A Month

April really can be the cruelest month, especially when measured in coats. 

I was reminded of that as Catherine and I took a walk through the neighborhood recently and I felt a bone-chilling draft practically go right through me. Out of my vast collection of outerwear, I had selected the wrong coat.

You can measure how bad a month is by how many different coats you wear. I think I’ve worn every one this month, from a light one to one designed for a blizzard. For that matter, November can be as cruel as April. And if you’re from almost any state south of Minnesota, your view is probably that we wear coats year-round.

There’s a whole science behind external garment wear in Minnesota. Designers have created every imaginable type of outerwear to handle our every imaginable weather condition. That’s why it’s imperative to pause and carefully assess the weather conditions before venturing out. And not just the weather conditions at the moment but what they might be five minutes later. Sometimes you have to put something on and do a test run outside.

You can also dress in layers or wear a coat that has removable layers. But as you peel layers off, you still need to carry them around and that’s when you lose things, like a removable sleeve for that impressive convertible jacket. A one-sleeved jacket just isn’t fashionable in these parts. To be safe, I just throw about three different coats in the car when I go anywhere.

This is why most Minnesotans have a closet full of coats. I’m sure many have two closets of coats, as we do. One for the “good” coats and one for everyday or “special use” coats. And, by the way, Minnesotans don’t seem to be very particular about coat terminology. Yes, there are coats, jackets, windbreakers, raincoats, vests, parkas, and more, but “coat” or “jacket” work just fine and cover them all.

I don’t count sweatshirts or hoodies as coats. Neither did a college classmate from northern Wisconsin who refused to wear a coat before Thanksgiving. He once showed up for a November class wearing three sweatshirts and looking like a bear.

For most of us, the good coats are for the occasions we go out in public and might get seen up close – like church, a movie and shopping. They don’t have obvious tears, the zippers still work and they are mostly clean.

It’s the everyday coats that probably comprise the greatest selection. Some of those coats were good coats once, but got demoted once they got dirty or torn. Others were purchased for specific duties such as hunting or shoveling snow. Then there are the coats used for changing oil or yard work. I’ve had coats that were really nice once, but after that one rip or nasty stain, quickly became the new oil-changing coat.

I thought I had a considerable selection of everyday coats until I asked brother Dave to do an inventory of his. Here is his report:

“OK, I might be sorry I am doing this, but here is a quick inventory of these items. Granted, I might be a bit low in the count as I am not sure what is at the cabin, but here goes.

Hunting coats – 8

Vests – 4

Winter coats – 7

Rain coats – 7

Wind breakers – 7

Fleece jackets – 8

Wool jackets – 3

Jean jackets – 2

Coveralls – 2

Overalls -1

It appears that I am a little low on jean jackets, coveralls, and overalls – time to go shopping!

When my manager (wife Linda) thinks I should get rid of a bunch of them, I remind her that Salvation Army would not accept most of them and I have a specific use for each level of deterioration.

PS – If she reads this it could cause some “discussion” in  our happy home. Don’t even think about asking me about shoes, boots, gloves/mittens, and certainly not about caps/hats! 

Your brother, “Ready for the weather Dave””

I know Dave has a lot of coats. That’s why I asked for the inventory. I’ve borrowed more than one and he didn’t even notice them missing.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to go through our coats and apply the KonMari method. If a coat doesn’t spark joy and is still in decent shape, donate it to the Salvation Army or a charity coat shed. Christ Episcopal Church has such a shed along East Avenue and I’m told that this winter a huge number of coats were picked up by those needing them. The church will be collecting for next winter starting in October. 

As Jesus said, “Whoever has two coats must share one with one who has none.”

Just not the oil-changing coat.