Words and Phrases Are Our Boon and Bane

The English language can be both elegant and maddening, even in the same sentence.

“This majestic tapestry of human experience reveals its deepest truths only to those who possess the patience to listen.”

The flowery flow of those words runs headlong into lost meaning. A news editor’s scalpel might shorten this to “Pay attention and learn something.”

Likewise, we could be led astray by an unfortunate use of words to describe something, such as a movie:

“The Wizard of Oz (8-10 pm, TCM)

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.”

That description is basically true but also entirely misleading. If you had never heard of the movie, would you watch it after reading this description? And if it draws you in, then you’ll probably also enjoy, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”

When you consider all the words we see and hear in life, you might wonder just how we’re supposed to know what is true, false, or just misleading. That can be especially difficult in an election season.

We have to trust something and that is ultimately our minds using human intelligence (not AI). It’s not perfect but comes in pretty handy when we need to make quick decisions, which we do all day long.

Fortunately, as we parse our way through our daily dose of too much information, we can find statements that can be day-brighteners. And if that’s not enough, the internet and tear-away daily calendars are full of hilarious statements.

Malaprops

Watch for someone using a similar sounding word in place of the common one, such as The Three Stooges: “I resemble (resent) that remark.” This a malaprop (or malapropism).

“We saw many hysterical monuments on our trip.” (historical)

“The judge said it was a mute point.” (moot)

“Nip it in the butt.” (bud)

People used to watch “All in the Family” just to listen for Archie Bunker’s malaprops.

“Hell hath no fury like a woman’s corns (a woman scorned).”

“He’s up the creek without a saddle (paddle).”

“She takes everything I say out of contest (context).”

“I got a unanimous letter.” (anonymous)

“Capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime.” (deterrent)

“He claims he can’t make no mistakes. Like he’s inflammable.” (infallible)

Then there are malapropisms which blend two common phrases.

“We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.” (mixes “cross that bridge when we get to it” and “burn one’s bridges”)

“Don’t count your chickens in one basket.” (“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch” and “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket”)

“You hit the nail right on the nose.” (“hit the nail on the head” and “right on the nose”)

Spoonerisms

And then there are spoonerisms where the first sounds of two words are switched, as in:

“Three cheers for our queer old dean!” (“Three cheers for our dear old queen!”)

“The statement came from a high white horse souse.” (The statement came from a high White House source.”)

Some of my favorite misplaced words and phrases growing up included:

“Biting at the chomps” (champing at the bit)

“Cob on the corn” (corn on the cob)

“It’s not rocket surgery.” (science)

“He made a 360-degree change in attitude.” (360 degrees puts you right back where you were and no change in attitude; it should be 180-degrees)

“I could care less.” (couldn’t care less)

“He snuck (sneaked) around the corner.”

“That’s a whole ‘nother thing.” (That’s another whole thing.)

We also used carefully worded phrases to avoid getting in trouble for saying them. It’s almost swearing but acceptable. I don’t hear them much anymore. They were like a rubber knife, displaying harmless toughness. I’m sure you had your own.

“Shucks”

“Heck”

“Shoot”

“Crap”

“Gol’ dang it”

“Ding bust it”

“Dad burn it” (thanks, Hoss!)

“Judas Priest” (before a rock band stole the name)

“Cheese ‘n’ rice”

It’s amazing to me that profanity is much more common today. Apparently, it helps some people make their point clearer. And phrases we wouldn’t have dared say are everywhere now.

But I still don’t dare include them here. My late mother would find out. She’d know.